Book Club

Hot off the success of “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies,” Editor Jason Rekulak has amalgamated a new smash mash-up: “Sense and Sensibility and Sea Monsters.”  Here is the awesome trailer:

Money quote from Rekulak interview: “Well, our monster-to-Austen ratio is higher than in the last book, about 60-40 (that’s 60 Austen, 40 me). That’s proportionally more monsters, swordfights, and submarines.”

This naturally led us to ask, what other literary masterpieces will undergo a re-working?  Rekulak was kind enough to send along a few pages from his new (old) projects.

(after the jump)

This Item Exists To Justify The Joke

I thought this was pretty cool.  Courtesy of The Daily What, a List of the Ten Oldest Still Inhabited Cities.  Topping the list is Damascus, Syria, which has existed in one form or another for 12,000 years.

 

Huh.  I always thought the oldest city was Palm Beach, Florida. (Zing*)

 

*DOYOUGETIT? THE PEOPLE WHO LIVE THERE ARE HELLAOLD!

 

p.s. It turns out the oldest continuously inhabited city in the continental U.S. actually is in Florida.

Our Valued Customers…

Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down, Vol. 1

Thumbs Down:

To male porn stars grunting, moaning and, especially, speaking. Shut the F up. Please.

This may come as a shock to you, your goatee, and your shorn scrotum, but no one is picking up a copy of “Schindler’s Fist” to hear your masterful line delivery of classic dialogue such as “Oh yeah” and “You like that?” I don’t know about those blonde twins, sir, but I do not. Like it. When you speak. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the things you are doing, but, much like a barber, shoeshiner or masseuse, I just don’t want you to speak while you are doing them. This is my time, not yours.

Thumbs Up:

To Mongolian Beef.

Or chicken. Or Mongolian ANYTHING. Fry some onions and garlic, add some unrecognizable meat product and then drown it in chili peppers and chili sauce. That is a meal fit for conquerors and the holders of territories that are strategically unimportant in RISK. If science ever created a Mongolian burrito, science could retire to Aruba because I would buy one of those for every breakfast, lunch and dinner. Mongolian food is the best.

I know people will complain that I’m describing a Panda-Expressed bastardization of Chinese food rather than traditional (bland and non-spicy) Mongolian cuisine like Boodog, which, if wikipedia memory serves me correctly, is mutton cooked within the abdominal cavity of a deboned marmot. To those people I say: I cannot hear your complaint regarding my historical inaccuracies due to the loud, tumescence-inhibiting chatter of the dude in this porno I’m watching.

DAMMNIT.

Bonus neat fact about Mongolia: Apparently real live Tremors live in their deserts, Maybe (More here)

Practical Solutions for California’s Budget Crisis

Now that the ballot measures intended to help shore up California’s deficit have gone down in flames, lawmakers are turning to inventive ways to raise new revenue.  You may have heard that State Assemblyman Ammiano recently drafted legislation that would legalize marijuana, and tax the sale of the drug.  What you may not know is that there are similar “outside-the-box” measures under consideration.  Five highlights after the jump:

Star Trek Drinking Game

Hey did I mention how I liked the new Star Trek movie?  I did?  Repeatedly?  Oh.  Well, I also really like the shows, especially ‘Star Trek: The Next Generation.’  You know what else I like?  Drinking alcohol.

So I was pleased to find this, the Star Trek: TNG Drinking Game.

Roomate-a-Palooza 2K9

So I’m going to the 2nd annual roomate-a-palooza this weekend. In preparation, my former roomates have compiled a check-list that, if followed, will provide us an accurate re-creation of our college house. I would have changed the names to protect the innocent, but none of these men are innocent, and, again, no one reads this blog. Enjoy:

I learned the secret, discovered by a mom, to turn yellow teeth white

1.Stop drinking coffee

2. Brush your teeth

You owe me ten dollars

Rejected Facebook Quizzes

1. Which STD are you?

            You are HERPES.

You have an infectious personality!  You tend to disappear every once in awhile, but you never truly go away.  You aren’t shy about making new friends, even if they aren’t expecting you because Tiffany didn’t seem like the kind of person who would do that to a guy.  Bitch.

 

Countries that kind of look like dongs

1. Sweden