Will Quaid’s name really travel to Mars? Or is it all just a dream? (Spoiler Alert: It’s not a dream)
You can go to Mars too (h/t The Daily What)
A related Time-Waster with a SFW version of the titular* chick? Sure.
Hey guys, sorry we didn’t really post any new content this week, we were too busy 1) writing short stories we don’t intend for anyone to read, 2) pouring our hearts out to our friend about our girl troubles, 3) playing guitar, 4) being glad we aren’t in Boston, 5) institutional investing. Respectively.
But hey, I’ve got nothing to do Sunday. If the weather is bad, and I feel creative, maybe I’ll write something for you. Until then, get out there and make it a great weekend.
Additional Time Waster Here.
Hey gang! How was your 4th of July weekend? Mine was pretty boss! Just How Awesome was my weekend, you ask? Here’s the soundtrack:
1) The saga of Bloodninja…
2) Man, first the kids with their sexting and now this? I really juussst missed an awesome time to grow up.
Whatever, today’s 14 year olds just masturbate to whatever internet porn they can find. There’s no skill in that. In my day, there was an art to timing things jusssst right with the programming on MTV. Hot dancing girls? Get ready! Cut away to a sweaty Alex Van Halen? Yikes, hold up or else you’re gay.
3) Some Band named “Lunar Sway” is playing in San Francisco on July 21. Supposedly they are really good, but I’ve never heard/befriended/drank with them before, so I can’t say for sure.
Go to this concert
I like this more than I should…
And punched myself in the face for every connection this chart missed (No Jubilee one-sided infatuation with wolverine? *punch*)
To male porn stars grunting, moaning and, especially, speaking. Shut the F up. Please.
This may come as a shock to you, your goatee, and your shorn scrotum, but no one is picking up a copy of “Schindler’s Fist” to hear your masterful line delivery of classic dialogue such as “Oh yeah” and “You like that?” I don’t know about those blonde twins, sir, but I do not. Like it. When you speak. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the things you are doing, but, much like a barber, shoeshiner or masseuse, I just don’t want you to speak while you are doing them. This is my time, not yours.
To Mongolian Beef.
Or chicken. Or Mongolian ANYTHING. Fry some onions and garlic, add some unrecognizable meat product and then drown it in chili peppers and chili sauce. That is a meal fit for conquerors and the holders of territories that are strategically unimportant in RISK. If science ever created a Mongolian burrito, science could retire to Aruba because I would buy one of those for every breakfast, lunch and dinner. Mongolian food is the best.
I know people will complain that I’m describing a Panda-Expressed bastardization of Chinese food rather than traditional (bland and non-spicy) Mongolian cuisine like Boodog, which, if wikipedia memory serves me correctly, is mutton cooked within the abdominal cavity of a deboned marmot. To those people I say: I cannot hear your complaint regarding my historical inaccuracies due to the loud, tumescence-inhibiting chatter of the dude in this porno I’m watching.
Bonus neat fact about Mongolia: Apparently real live Tremors live in their deserts, Maybe (More here)
So I finally decided to join the cool kids and get an iphone. Why? Because the sweet new 3Gs is out? Heck no, I got it because they knocked the price of a regular old 8-GB 3G iphone to 100 bones. That makes me: 1) cheap, 2) the definition of a “late adopter
.” The reasoning is akin to someone deciding in 1984: “I’m not spending a fortune to go see Air Supply Live in Hawaii
, I’ll wait for a later, cheaper, more local show
.” It’s like, yeah, you still get to see Air Supply, but your buddies totally already saw Air Supply first and were the first to try all the sweet Air Supply Applications.
I’m a poor analogizer. But I’m not here to talk about Air Supply anyway. (Ed. Note: Yes he is.) I’m here to talk about the iphone, specifically about a new application that caught my eye.
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(212): So I just woke up to find my roomates shouting at canisters of pink goo and now their playing music to make it dance
(917): Your roomates are the best
(212): Remember that chick Dana I’ve been macking on? I went to her house last night and she got freaky. kept calling me the “Keymaster” and basically tried to rape me.
(212): I make it a rule never to get involved with possessed people
(917): Dude, the museum is covered in goo and everyone is singing and the statue of liberty is walking down the street
(1-917): I love New York
(646): We just crossed streams and it was bad news
(212): It usually is
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