DangerCast 2012, Episode 1

Lady and Gentleman! Welcome to a new, futuristic era of Danger 2012… the radio era.  Danger 2012, in an ongoing commitment to bring you some form of indeterminate quality content, has officially launched: DANGERCAST 2012!

Ready to be future-excited?

In this, the first Episode: We travel back to August 13, 2009, to speak with DANIEL WOOD about his exploits “in” the FAR EAST!*

*here, “in” is a double entendre!  Danny was both in the East (coast) and physically inside women of the orient! With his penis and everything! He discusses this! Listen!

Time Wasting, Vol. 251

1) The saga of Bloodninja…

http://people.ambrosiasw.com/~andrew/funny/bloodcyber.html

 

2) Man, first the kids with their sexting and now this?  I really juussst missed an awesome time to grow up.

Whatever, today’s 14 year olds just masturbate to whatever internet porn they can find.  There’s no skill in that.  In my day, there was an art to timing things jusssst right with the programming on MTV.  Hot dancing girls? Get ready! Cut away to a sweaty Alex Van Halen? Yikes, hold up or else you’re gay.

 

3) Some Band named “Lunar Sway” is playing in San Francisco on July 21.  Supposedly they are really good, but I’ve never heard/befriended/drank with them before, so I can’t say for sure.

Go to this concert

Time Wasting, Vol. 245

Oh man.

I don’t know if I should even tell you guys about this. (You guys totally already know, don’t you?)  It is too efficient and marvelous a time-waster.  You could end up trapped there like Coach Gordon Bombay in Freejack

Ok, you were warned.  Here it is:  The Daily What

It is an awesome collection of fun things, created by the internet, to put your eyeballs on.  Don’t believe me? Check it:

Pay Your Respects

First Farrah Fawcett, now Michael Jackson. Death is removing an icon from each decade. If I were Mark Paul Gosselaar, I’d be careful out there today

 

3:51pmDillon

Mark Paul Gosselar…lol

3:52pmAlexander

i dont whether to feel sad that a childhood hero is dead…or happy because I totally nailed that joke

3:52pmDillon

both?

is that bad?

3:52pmAlexander

haha, probably

3:52pmDillon

i wonder if parents everywhere are rejoicing

3:52pmAlexander

hahahahaha

3:52pmDillon

while 20-something young adults are weeping

3:53pmAlexander

7 year old boys are exhaling and unclenching their sphincters

Adventures in Poor Taste

I just left an elevator in a big important company building. They had a flat screen tv in the elevator. One side of the screen was recapping the Washington D.C. train tragedy. The other side of the screen was showing a trailer for “The Taking of Pelham 123” a movie about a group of criminals that hijack a subway train with the intention of crashing it.

Whoops.

Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down, Vol. 1

Thumbs Down:

To male porn stars grunting, moaning and, especially, speaking. Shut the F up. Please.

This may come as a shock to you, your goatee, and your shorn scrotum, but no one is picking up a copy of “Schindler’s Fist” to hear your masterful line delivery of classic dialogue such as “Oh yeah” and “You like that?” I don’t know about those blonde twins, sir, but I do not. Like it. When you speak. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the things you are doing, but, much like a barber, shoeshiner or masseuse, I just don’t want you to speak while you are doing them. This is my time, not yours.

Thumbs Up:

To Mongolian Beef.

Or chicken. Or Mongolian ANYTHING. Fry some onions and garlic, add some unrecognizable meat product and then drown it in chili peppers and chili sauce. That is a meal fit for conquerors and the holders of territories that are strategically unimportant in RISK. If science ever created a Mongolian burrito, science could retire to Aruba because I would buy one of those for every breakfast, lunch and dinner. Mongolian food is the best.

I know people will complain that I’m describing a Panda-Expressed bastardization of Chinese food rather than traditional (bland and non-spicy) Mongolian cuisine like Boodog, which, if wikipedia memory serves me correctly, is mutton cooked within the abdominal cavity of a deboned marmot. To those people I say: I cannot hear your complaint regarding my historical inaccuracies due to the loud, tumescence-inhibiting chatter of the dude in this porno I’m watching.

DAMMNIT.

Bonus neat fact about Mongolia: Apparently real live Tremors live in their deserts, Maybe (More here)

Greatest Google Search Ever

So, I don’t want to insult our readers.  All 3 of them are really nice.  But I have to mention this.  As Webmasters of this blog (and the universe and Spiderman) we are privy to the google searches that have led people to this blog.  Eighty percent of said searches have been some variation of “yellow teeth mom secrets” landing them here.  But lately, there have been some other, more disturbing searches.  I made a herpes joke here.  I suppose it was only a matter of time before that led to us receiving a page view from the Most Awesome Search Ever:

“mild case of herpes”

I sure hope that qualifier is warranted my friend.  Good luck, and Godspeed.

Things That Burn: Topless Coffeshop Edition

So there WAS a topless coffeshop in Maine.  Great!  But then it burned down.  Bummer. 

I imagine this is how it went down:

 

Barista 1: Hey, isn’t this topless coffeeshop the best idea ever?  Look at all the customers who have come to drink coffee and look at our gazoongas.

Barista 2: Yeah I guess.

Barista 1: What’s wrong?  You don’t seem to be putting a lot of energy into foaming cappucinos and spinning your nipple tassels

Barista 2: Well… look, I think a topless coffeeshop is a great idea… but in Maine?  I’m freezing my, well these off *points to boobs*

Barista 1: That’s true, my nipples are hard enough to break ice.

Customer: Can I get an iced coffee?

Barista 1: What if we started a fire?  You know, to warm this place up?

Barista 2: That’s a great idea!

Customer: No it is not. *exits store hurriedly*

Barista 1: *starts fire, burns coffee shop to ground*

Barista 2: Uh oh, I think we’re in a whole “latte” trouble!

Barista 1: HaHaHa!

Barista 2: HaHaHa!

*Barista 1 and 2 make out*

Practical Solutions for California’s Budget Crisis

Now that the ballot measures intended to help shore up California’s deficit have gone down in flames, lawmakers are turning to inventive ways to raise new revenue.  You may have heard that State Assemblyman Ammiano recently drafted legislation that would legalize marijuana, and tax the sale of the drug.  What you may not know is that there are similar “outside-the-box” measures under consideration.  Five highlights after the jump:

Time Wasting, Vol. 43

http://menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com/