1) The saga of Bloodninja…
2) Man, first the kids with their sexting and now this? I really juussst missed an awesome time to grow up.
Whatever, today’s 14 year olds just masturbate to whatever internet porn they can find. There’s no skill in that. In my day, there was an art to timing things jusssst right with the programming on MTV. Hot dancing girls? Get ready! Cut away to a sweaty Alex Van Halen? Yikes, hold up or else you’re gay.
3) Some Band named “Lunar Sway” is playing in San Francisco on July 21. Supposedly they are really good, but I’ve never heard/befriended/drank with them before, so I can’t say for sure.
Go to this concert
I don’t know if I should even tell you guys about this. (You guys totally already know, don’t you?) It is too efficient and marvelous a time-waster. You could end up trapped there like Coach Gordon Bombay in Freejack
Ok, you were warned. Here it is: The Daily What
It is an awesome collection of fun things, created by the internet, to put your eyeballs on. Don’t believe me? Check it:
First Farrah Fawcett, now Michael Jackson. Death is removing an icon from each decade. If I were Mark Paul Gosselaar, I’d be careful out there today
Mark Paul Gosselar…lol
i dont whether to feel sad that a childhood hero is dead…or happy because I totally nailed that joke
is that bad?
i wonder if parents everywhere are rejoicing
while 20-something young adults are weeping
7 year old boys are exhaling and unclenching their sphincters
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To male porn stars grunting, moaning and, especially, speaking. Shut the F up. Please.
This may come as a shock to you, your goatee, and your shorn scrotum, but no one is picking up a copy of “Schindler’s Fist” to hear your masterful line delivery of classic dialogue such as “Oh yeah” and “You like that?” I don’t know about those blonde twins, sir, but I do not. Like it. When you speak. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the things you are doing, but, much like a barber, shoeshiner or masseuse, I just don’t want you to speak while you are doing them. This is my time, not yours.
To Mongolian Beef.
Or chicken. Or Mongolian ANYTHING. Fry some onions and garlic, add some unrecognizable meat product and then drown it in chili peppers and chili sauce. That is a meal fit for conquerors and the holders of territories that are strategically unimportant in RISK. If science ever created a Mongolian burrito, science could retire to Aruba because I would buy one of those for every breakfast, lunch and dinner. Mongolian food is the best.
I know people will complain that I’m describing a Panda-Expressed bastardization of Chinese food rather than traditional (bland and non-spicy) Mongolian cuisine like Boodog, which, if wikipedia memory serves me correctly, is mutton cooked within the abdominal cavity of a deboned marmot. To those people I say: I cannot hear your complaint regarding my historical inaccuracies due to the loud, tumescence-inhibiting chatter of the dude in this porno I’m watching.
Bonus neat fact about Mongolia: Apparently real live Tremors live in their deserts, Maybe (More here)
So there WAS a topless coffeshop in Maine. Great! But then it burned down. Bummer.
I imagine this is how it went down:
Barista 1: Hey, isn’t this topless coffeeshop the best idea ever? Look at all the customers who have come to drink coffee and look at our gazoongas.
Barista 2: Yeah I guess.
Barista 1: What’s wrong? You don’t seem to be putting a lot of energy into foaming cappucinos and spinning your nipple tassels
Barista 2: Well… look, I think a topless coffeeshop is a great idea… but in Maine? I’m freezing my, well these off *points to boobs*
Barista 1: That’s true, my nipples are hard enough to break ice.
Customer: Can I get an iced coffee?
Barista 1: What if we started a fire? You know, to warm this place up?
Barista 2: That’s a great idea!
Customer: No it is not. *exits store hurriedly*
Barista 1: *starts fire, burns coffee shop to ground*
Barista 2: Uh oh, I think we’re in a whole “latte” trouble!
Barista 1: HaHaHa!
Barista 2: HaHaHa!
*Barista 1 and 2 make out*
Now that the ballot measures intended to help shore up California’s deficit have gone down in flames, lawmakers are turning to inventive ways to raise new revenue. You may have heard that State Assemblyman Ammiano recently drafted legislation that would legalize marijuana, and tax the sale of the drug. What you may not know is that there are similar “outside-the-box” measures under consideration. Five highlights after the jump:
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