DangerCast 2012, Episode 1

Lady and Gentleman! Welcome to a new, futuristic era of Danger 2012… the radio era.  Danger 2012, in an ongoing commitment to bring you some form of indeterminate quality content, has officially launched: DANGERCAST 2012!

Ready to be future-excited?

In this, the first Episode: We travel back to August 13, 2009, to speak with DANIEL WOOD about his exploits “in” the FAR EAST!*

*here, “in” is a double entendre!  Danny was both in the East (coast) and physically inside women of the orient! With his penis and everything! He discusses this! Listen!

Time Wasting, Vol. 244

I like this more than I should…

http://www.uncannyxmen.net/images/article/relationship/relationshipmapv1.htm

And punched myself in the face for every connection this chart missed (No Jubilee one-sided infatuation with wolverine? *punch*)

h/t www.io9.com

Our Valued Customers…

Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down, Vol. 1

Thumbs Down:

To male porn stars grunting, moaning and, especially, speaking. Shut the F up. Please.

This may come as a shock to you, your goatee, and your shorn scrotum, but no one is picking up a copy of “Schindler’s Fist” to hear your masterful line delivery of classic dialogue such as “Oh yeah” and “You like that?” I don’t know about those blonde twins, sir, but I do not. Like it. When you speak. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the things you are doing, but, much like a barber, shoeshiner or masseuse, I just don’t want you to speak while you are doing them. This is my time, not yours.

Thumbs Up:

To Mongolian Beef.

Or chicken. Or Mongolian ANYTHING. Fry some onions and garlic, add some unrecognizable meat product and then drown it in chili peppers and chili sauce. That is a meal fit for conquerors and the holders of territories that are strategically unimportant in RISK. If science ever created a Mongolian burrito, science could retire to Aruba because I would buy one of those for every breakfast, lunch and dinner. Mongolian food is the best.

I know people will complain that I’m describing a Panda-Expressed bastardization of Chinese food rather than traditional (bland and non-spicy) Mongolian cuisine like Boodog, which, if wikipedia memory serves me correctly, is mutton cooked within the abdominal cavity of a deboned marmot. To those people I say: I cannot hear your complaint regarding my historical inaccuracies due to the loud, tumescence-inhibiting chatter of the dude in this porno I’m watching.

DAMMNIT.

Bonus neat fact about Mongolia: Apparently real live Tremors live in their deserts, Maybe (More here)

The One Where We Talk About Having Sex With Our Telephones

So I finally decided to join the cool kids and get an iphone.  Why?  Because the sweet new 3Gs is out?  Heck no, I got it because they knocked the price of a regular old 8-GB 3G iphone to 100 bones.  That makes me: 1) cheap, 2) the definition of a “late adopter.”  The reasoning is akin to someone deciding in 1984: “I’m not spending a fortune to go see Air Supply Live in Hawaii, I’ll wait for a later, cheaper, more local show.”  It’s like, yeah, you still get to see Air Supply, but your buddies totally already saw Air Supply first and were the first to try all the sweet Air Supply Applications.

I’m a poor analogizer.  But I’m not here to talk about Air Supply anyway.  (Ed. Note: Yes he is.)  I’m here to talk about the iphone, specifically about a new application that caught my eye.

Greatest Google Search Ever

So, I don’t want to insult our readers.  All 3 of them are really nice.  But I have to mention this.  As Webmasters of this blog (and the universe and Spiderman) we are privy to the google searches that have led people to this blog.  Eighty percent of said searches have been some variation of “yellow teeth mom secrets” landing them here.  But lately, there have been some other, more disturbing searches.  I made a herpes joke here.  I suppose it was only a matter of time before that led to us receiving a page view from the Most Awesome Search Ever:

“mild case of herpes”

I sure hope that qualifier is warranted my friend.  Good luck, and Godspeed.

Conundrum of the Day

Why are ex-girlfriends invariably super-hot?

Wait… I know we broke up because you’re crazy, but, really? You still look that good? Damnit.

*UPDATE*

New Conundrum: Why are the products of drunken late night blogging invariably retarded?  Science is hard at work on an answer

Editor’s Note:

66.67% of the contributors of this site have Vegas-induced Rubella, so if you’ve notice a drop-off in work-product this week, pat yourself on the freaking back.  Activity will pick up when we aren’t sidetracked by our insatiable desire for brains.

The Wheels on the Bus Go ‘Round and ‘Round (for a seemingly interminable amount of time)

Who has two thumbs (one in working order, the other jammed all to heck) and is taking a 15 hour overnight bus ride to Las Vegas tomorrow?  This guy:

Microsoft Paint arrow indicating spaceman, not female Mario

Roomate-a-Palooza 2K9

So I’m going to the 2nd annual roomate-a-palooza this weekend. In preparation, my former roomates have compiled a check-list that, if followed, will provide us an accurate re-creation of our college house. I would have changed the names to protect the innocent, but none of these men are innocent, and, again, no one reads this blog. Enjoy: