No penis jokes today, just straight-up, hard penis science.
Scientific American answers (maybe) the question: “Hey, why does my penis look like that?”
I encourage you to read the entire article, it’s pretty interesting. A quick synopsis: Using “evolutionary reverse engineering” which sounds suspiciously like “lazy pseudo-science” (Men like sports because they used to hunt! Women like to shop because they used to gather!) scientists at SUNY Albany have determined why the human penis is shaped, uh, well like a penis, I guess: Sperm Warfare.
These scientists posit that the relatively LARGE size of my human penis (relative to Apes/Chimps/Smooth Peet) and its distinctive mushroom-shaped glans (apes are basically all shaft) evolved to fill the human vagina and displace, by thrusting, semen that other men had earlier deposited in the vagina.
The scientists go on to theorize that the “loss of tumescence” that occurs during the “refractory period,” as well as the sedation effect of orgasm, might be a mechanism to avoid “self-displacement” of semen. Its not that I’m too tired to continue, baby, I’m just optimizing my chances of impregnating you.
Bonus: A recipe for laboratory-grade fake semen if you make it to page 3.