Time Wasting, Vol. 244

I like this more than I should…

http://www.uncannyxmen.net/images/article/relationship/relationshipmapv1.htm

And punched myself in the face for every connection this chart missed (No Jubilee one-sided infatuation with wolverine? *punch*)

h/t www.io9.com

Pay Your Respects

First Farrah Fawcett, now Michael Jackson. Death is removing an icon from each decade. If I were Mark Paul Gosselaar, I’d be careful out there today

 

3:51pmDillon

Mark Paul Gosselar…lol

3:52pmAlexander

i dont whether to feel sad that a childhood hero is dead…or happy because I totally nailed that joke

3:52pmDillon

both?

is that bad?

3:52pmAlexander

haha, probably

3:52pmDillon

i wonder if parents everywhere are rejoicing

3:52pmAlexander

hahahahaha

3:52pmDillon

while 20-something young adults are weeping

3:53pmAlexander

7 year old boys are exhaling and unclenching their sphincters

The One Where We Talk About Having Sex With Our Telephones

So I finally decided to join the cool kids and get an iphone.  Why?  Because the sweet new 3Gs is out?  Heck no, I got it because they knocked the price of a regular old 8-GB 3G iphone to 100 bones.  That makes me: 1) cheap, 2) the definition of a “late adopter.”  The reasoning is akin to someone deciding in 1984: “I’m not spending a fortune to go see Air Supply Live in Hawaii, I’ll wait for a later, cheaper, more local show.”  It’s like, yeah, you still get to see Air Supply, but your buddies totally already saw Air Supply first and were the first to try all the sweet Air Supply Applications.

I’m a poor analogizer.  But I’m not here to talk about Air Supply anyway.  (Ed. Note: Yes he is.)  I’m here to talk about the iphone, specifically about a new application that caught my eye.

Conundrum of the Day

Why are ex-girlfriends invariably super-hot?

Wait… I know we broke up because you’re crazy, but, really? You still look that good? Damnit.

*UPDATE*

New Conundrum: Why are the products of drunken late night blogging invariably retarded?  Science is hard at work on an answer

The psychology of online order fulfillment

Ben

they’re still “processing” my tshirt order

Beejay

gay

Ben

yeah

i imagine “processing” like when something bad happens to someone and they seem really jaded and you ask them what’s up and they say “oh i’m just trying to process everything that just happened”

Beejay

hahhaha

Ben

so there’s some lady sitting there “trying to process” that i want this shirt

and eventually she’s going to come to grips with it

and send me the shirt

probably with piano music playing

as she walks away from the post office

having symbolically “let it go”

Beejay

hahahah

give her time ben

give her time

Ben

she’ll come around

but i can’t wait forever you know?

eventually i’m going to have to find a new shirt

Beejay

you gotta live your life man….

Ben

w/o all these strings attached

Beejay

you should email the company and say “just breathe”

Ben

or “look, i realize you have a lot to work through right now, and i’d love to be supportive but i’m just not in a place where i can be that for you right now, so while it pains me to be demanding i’d very much like it if you could just take the time to send me my shirt and work out your issues later. i wish you the best, i really do, but as i said, i just need that shirt.”

Beejay

ctrl c

ctrl v

brdrdrdr…SEND

Headline Shirts: Can I have my shirt now?

The one where we talk about penises without giggling

No penis jokes today, just straight-up, hard penis science.

Scientific American answers (maybe) the question: “Hey, why does my penis look like that?”

I encourage you to read the entire article, it’s pretty interesting.  A quick synopsis: Using “evolutionary reverse engineering” which sounds suspiciously like “lazy pseudo-science” (Men like sports because they used to hunt!  Women like to shop because they used to gather!) scientists at SUNY Albany have determined why the human penis is shaped, uh, well like a penis, I guess: Sperm Warfare.

Chode Theory (Volume 1)

Tylt33: so

Tylt33: i was furthering your research

Tylt33: and I have determined that although the chodes in northern california are less apparent

Tylt33: they are still here and probably in equivalent percentages

Tylt33: they just dont grow as big up north

bboy28980: hahaha

Tylt33: instead of Tapout stickers

Tylt33: they have cowboy hats

Tylt33: and rice mobiles

bboy28980: i think it’s correlated to the percentage of C and larger fake breasts in the immediate vicinity

bboy28980: also northern california lacks constant sunshine, which probably hides the chode’s “chodiness”
somewhat as he’s unable to maintain a tan year-round

Tylt33: maybe the size of the chode depends on the average breast size of the local female?

bboy28980: i think it’s twofold